Craigslist Vancouver

To the guy who crapped in my parking stall last night....

2008-11-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

I'm tempted to start out by saying "You know who you are", but perhaps you don't. Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "I broke a loaf in someone's parking stall last night, could he be referring to me?" Maybe you're under the misapprehension that relieving yourself in someone's parking stall is something pretty much everyone does from time to time, like smoking a recreational joint or driving too fast, or eating prime rib. So, to all of you who took a dump in a parking stall last night, let me provide some identifying details to help narrow down which of you I'm referring to.

First, you are almost certainly male. Either that or you're the 1976 East German Women's Olympic Gold Medal Weightlifting Champion. There's a slim possibility you're a horse.

It's very unlikely that you're homeless. It wouldn't take a PhD in nutrition to figure out that your pre-poop meal was -- how shall I put this? -- adequate. Formidable. Representitive of all the major food groups. You get my point.

Still don't know who you are? Stall 146. Green level. Yeah, you.

So now that you know who you are, my message to you is rather simple: WTF???? Let me get something across to you. For nearly 4000 years, humans have developed the habit of pooing in toilets. Pooing elsewhere is generally considered at best inappropriate (I'm being generous here), and usually raises the eyebrows of mental health officials, particularly if you're in the vicinity of several 24-hour restaurants more than willing to accomodate your 7-pound growler in exchange for nothing more than a cup of coffee. But, apparently you declined to exert the minimal effort it would have taken to retain your butt shuttle for a block and a half and avoid brown trouting where my Goodyears are supposed to go. If you really feel compelled to fashion a grunt sculpture in a parking stall, you're more than welcome to shell out the $146 monthly fee for a stall of your very own -- plenty of space to for you to deposit fly-infested brownies to your heart's content. You could even entertain guests. Until then, see if you can catch up to the rest of the human race and cram a cork in it, pal.

One more thing. To the guy whose (evidently) brand new Dockers discovered the potato a split second before his eyes did -- I feel your pain, man. At least you weren't wearing flip-flops.

Top 15 Shameful Men of Craigslist

2007-09-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

I find some hilarious posts on Craigslist sometimes that can make you spit out your coffee. You can find gems in the forums, and I often wondered why would anyone with such talent waste their time writing such hilarious content on Craigslist - not that I'm complaining - I've been enjoying the entertainment. Here's one post in particular someone wrote from Craigslist Vancouver. I edited it and added some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

I think it was written by a very angry woman (or it could be a man, for all we know. This is the internet, after all.)

Men Online – Hall of Shame

1. The Player

This guy just sends out messages & chats online practically full time. As soon as he gets you in the sack, he’s on to his next conquest. He’s slick, I hope you recognize him. In retrospect you are quite relieved you insisted on a condom despite the intense pressure and questionable “latex allergy” excuse.

2. The Instant Relationship Guy

This guy tells you all sorts of bs: “I met you & pulled my profile” “Where have you been all my life” “I want to take you my business trip to Europe with me” “I’m falling for you” “I think you’re going to marry me” “You’re so amazing”, etc etc. Wear hip waders, the shit is deep.

3. The Liar

Similar to the above guy, but these types are more creative, with a wider range of lies: they will lie about their age, height (like I wouldn’t notice??), where they live, marital status, job, whether they smoke or not, whether they have kids or not, if they are dating someone else, etc. Don’t forget the classic: “I’ll call you”. Basically, you can tell if they are lying – their lips are moving. They are the most common type found online.

4. The Dumb Guy

Poor bastard couldn’t spell if his life depended on it. Too clueless to run spell check on his 5 sentence profile. “I like purty gurls.” No punctuation. Even misspells his profession – how scary is that?

5. The One Good Picture Guy

Just has one good picture from the right angle that makes him look acceptably cute. Does not look like that at all in person. Frustrating when you had agreed to meet him for dinner & it ends up Dutch. He should pay just for the inconvenience of his misrepresentation.

6. The Ugly Guy That Wants a Supermodel

Annoying… the guy somehow reached 35 not knowing that he is a 4 out of 10. Constantly sends emails and instant messages the hot chicks, the 7 to 10’s out of 10. Would never have the courage to approach them out in public, subconsciously knows they are out of his league. WHY don’t you want to date me? Sorry, you’re not my type. What’s your type? etc etc. Invariably from Sticksville.

7. The Intolerant Guy

This guy is abusive if you don’t agree with his religious beliefs, etc. or will tell you that you are weird if there is something about you that he doesn’t understand. An insensitive prick. Doesn’t really like women that have opinions – on anything.

8. The Sketchy Guy

The only thing you find out about this guy is his licence plate number & cel number. You will date this guy quite a few times but will never find out any personal information about the elusive sketchy guy. You’ll never know his last name, see where he lives, or know where he works. You’ll never meet any of his friends, coworkers or family. Nothing, nada, zilch, zippo. You’ll wonder if he did exist at all.

9. The Retro In A Bad Way Guy

I think it’s the moustache from hell!! This guy desperately needs a Queer Eye makeover. Hasn’t shopped for new clothes in so long that he’s a sad case. Has potential, if you have the patience. I don’t. Been there, done that. Bought the t-shirt. (well, made him buy it.)

10. The Bitter Divorced Guy
This guy bitches about his ex, how she spent all his money, he never gets to see his kids, she cheated, she was such a cow, never gave him a blow job, etc etc. Waiter, bucket full o’ bitter, please. This guy is devoid of any positive thoughts, and emotionally unavailable. Suitable for dating robots.

11. The Dad
Unfortunately the only time this guy gets to see his kids is on the weekends, which coincides with when you want to go out and have a fun date with him. Always says “my beautiful 4 yr old”, etc. Why doesn’t anyone ever say, “my ugly little brat with behavioural problems”. Indulges his children’s every whim because of divorce guilt. Unfortunately the ex does too, and Junior pays the price.

12. The No Sex Drive Guy
Good sex at first but then loses interest. Forgets to mention that he is now on anti depressants, which has killed his sex drive completely. Don’t take it personally - the Limp Noodle is not because of you. Good thing you stumbled upon them in the bathroom cabinet when you were looking for a Q-tip.

13. The Cell Phone/Blackberry Guy
So attached to his device he doesn’t even know how to turn it off. Face has odd green glow from peering over that little screen every time you aren’t looking, go to the washroom, etc. This shifty eyed techno addict has the attention span of a mosquito. Usually jumpy and hopped up on coffee too.

14. The Horny Webcam Guy
Very soon into your chat with horny guy, he’ll suggest that you chat on camera, show you his abs, and ask if you have a camera. Never seems to actually date, always online looking for fresh fantasy material.

15. The Freaky Foot Fetish Guy
2 seconds into chatting he will ask you what your feet look like. After 2 polite questions feigning interest in your profession/personality/picture, asks if you like your feet worshipped, licked, or covered with cum. A tad too intimate too soon.

Recognize yourself, guys?

5 Secret Tips on Buying from Craigslist

2007-09-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

5 Secret Tips on Buying from Craigslist

I've been using Craigslist Vancouver for some time now, and let me tell you - it's great. I've used it to find a job, get a date, even buy a car, and sell my old couch. It's totally free and run by community users, so that means spam is flagged.

Here are some Craigslist Vancouver tips, but the rules are generally the same for all other Craigslist communities.

1. Don't email, call the seller immediately.

Seriously, this cannot be emphasized enough. Don't wait to think about, if you find a deal on Craigs list Vancouver, contact the seller now. You have no idea how quick listings can disappear. I can't tell you how many times I found THE PERFECT apartment, only to call the seller and be told it's already taken.

There's a huge amount of competition, so here's an important tip. Found a good deal? Call the seller immediately. (don't bother emailing if they gave both their email and phone number, call first.)

2. How to get a couch or furniture for $0 upfront

Here's how you can get a couch without paying upfront. Having your cash in hand when you meet the seller is great. But better yet, have your van ready. Listen, if you drive to look at a couch, you have to be ready with cash in hand and pay for it to haul it away. First come, first served, and sellers generally want to get rid of their items *right now*. Don't come over to look at it, think it over, and tell the seller you'll get in touch. Because guess what, when you call back, your couch will be gone.

So here's a valuable tip: you can buy stuff without paying right away if you can arrive first with a van. Of course, you still have to pay for it, but sellers are often desperate to get rid of their stuff ASAP.

3. Check for gift cards and save 90%.

Some people sell unwanted gift cards for roughly up to 90% of their retail value. So if you were going to buy an iPod for example, check Craigslist Vancouver first to see if there isn't any gift cards you can use. I've personally gotten some great deals by buying hardware store giftcards.

4. Negotiate: It saved me $50.

Here's a tip that saved me $50. Don't settle with the seller's asking price, especially if their listing is old. I noticed sellers often re-list their items if there is no demand for it, so track for those items, email the seller and give them an offer lower than their asking price. You'll be pleasantly surprised. This works, because they're eager to get rid of it so they're willing to sell for less.

5. Use cash when possible.

Not much of a tip, but this is common sense. Some sellers will accept a check but don't count on it. If you're going to pay with check, please email the seller and arrange that in advance, most sellers in craigslist vancouver expect cash.

Did you enjoy this post? Bookmark it and share those tips with your friends!

Got tips of your own? I'd love to hear them.

Welcome to Craigslist Vancouver

2007-09-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

Finally, the first blog about Craigslist Vancouver. There's no one blogging about it, and it's a shame. So I thought, why not create a blog? Well, it had to happen.

I moved to Vancouver recently and found my first apartment on Craigslist Vancouver. But I've also used Craigslist to buy a car, find a date, and have a few laughs.

Over the next few weeks, I'll share some tips and things I learned about it.

Feel free to comment and post!